the past

its "chu pa" ytd = bai tian gong.

Daryl told me a lot of things in the past, way before i was born. i wasn't greatly affected by it initially until i have the time to think about it today. i feel very upset & heartache. like seriously cry like mad. i'm greatly affected by it now. i can even feel that i'm going to tear as i blog about it. but i'm still gonna blog so that if i forget about it one day, this will remind me.

my "ah-ma"
she passed away in 1987 and i was born in 1988. i didn't get to see her, they said that i'm here to replace her to keep my ah-gong accompany. :) truly, my ah-gong only dotes on me among the 6 of us and i'm the only one who can climb on his bed.
my ah-ma is the best ah-ma in the world..its really such a pity that i didn't get to meet her. my godma said that she died of lung cancer. once, she had wanted to kill herself in the middle of the night by tying the towel around her neck because she was feeling terrible from her illness. her attempt failed because she was too weak and does not have enough strength to tighten the towel. my godma woke up and found out about this. my ah-ma even told her to help her with it and that the government will not know.
she had a hard life. whenever she take bus to go and sell vegetables, she always need the bus driver to help her up the steps. she send my sister to sch and stay there until school dismissal and bring her home. she sides my dama whenever my dama gets beaten by my dad. my sis was a really naughty one whom always get my dama scolded/beaten by my dad. Just before my ah-ma pass away, she told my sis to be obedient so that my dama will not get scolded. my sis became sensible from that day. :'(

i really didn't know that my dama use to get beaten up by my dad in the past. i only know that my dad always scold her but not the hitting part. daryl asked me 'do you know how father hit mum?' the next thing he did was putting his fist right in front of my face to show me. :'( he said that my dad hit her until 'orh ba kak'.
i kind of duno how should i feel now but really upset about this fact, although i know thats in the past.
why is he so mean. now i know why he can call me on the line the next day after i got beaten by that idoit and tell me: 'he is like that one' so easily. is this called 'like father like son'?
and to think that i had doted on my dad so much.
y must daryl tell me about this?

my dama is just like the goddness of mercy. when daryl was young, he asked my dama to divorce my dad but she didn't. she accepted my mum, accepted me, took care of me as though i'm her own child, always giving me the best, no bias at all.
often, she got scolded here and there whenever anyone of us fall sick or anything happen to us. i know this the best. thats why up to now, when i am sick, i still don't dare to let my dad know.
i'm sure she had went through much more hardship, sufferings and heartache than i what i am feeling for her now. its so tough on her. :(

daryl said that only the rich at home gets to have the say. i agree.
he has the greatest say now cause he owns the house & dad's car. he said that he is going to sell away the hse and get my dama to stay with him at his condo. i don't think he will do that but don't spite him, cause he can do that easily. if he is really going to do it, ppl will start pleading him not to. i know.
even my precious dama will.. because of the 'sheng-tai-.
the 'sheng-tai' that stupid ppl are guarding and these no-brain ppl are doing whatever the god request them to when actually they are incapable. they don't have the time, the money, they can't take care of themselves and yet they still want to do it.

i'm not against the god or being rude on purpose. in fact, i do respect religion and cultures, and its perhaps good if u have something to believe.
what i feel is that if you have the capability and time, go ahead with all those rituals and stuff. but if u don't, don't do it. as they say 'if u don't have such a big head, don't wear such a big hat'. at the end of the day, what i hate most is hearing 'no money, very tired, cannot take off..how?'
believeing in god should make your life better and not like this, isn't it?

dear god, knock some sense into them before the family falls apart, hate each other or chase after one another over financial issue. they said u let them won money through 4D etcs, but in the end the money goes back to u in a very short time, because they say that they need to thank you. whats the point?
all in all, pls know the priority because your love ones just live beside u and not up there.