there is nothing to hide, to tell the whole world that i hate my own brother.
in fact, i want to tell everyone that he is a jerk.

he beats up his gf, one after another and his own sister. use your brain and think don't they have got parents? he fights with his brothers and sisters. he showed up at his brother's condominiun and break his furniture. and this is not at the age of 10, 15.. which ppl can understand 'don't know how to think yet'
visited his principle/teacher for !@#$@$ times...police case...one thing after another

i have a brain and i definitely know how to think..and know what is right and wrong.

how would you feel and what will you do when u get beaten up for nothing and nobody is on your side? the next day your dad call you on your cellphone and tell you.. "he is like this, forget it"
then its like nothing happen at all the next day after that night. is this acceptable for you ?

it has been 4 or 5 years, i know. i didn't spoke a single word to him. and very much, i don't want to even see him. but there are occasions where we would appear at a place. i won't hide and nor do i hide my hate for him. it is the truth. i had moved a step backward..when i know that he will appear on certain occasions, i would not be present, less i show attitude.

they say..so long already, forget it, forgive him..
to me, there is nothing to forget, forgive. because there is no such person in my life. never had he been in my life. i had no memories of him playing with me, staying with me. furthermore, no positive impression at all too. he stayed with my mum when i'm young while i stayed with da ma. unfortunately, we stayed with each other for that sickening 1-2 years in my secondary sch days. then now he moved in with my da ma while i stayed with my mum. its so easy to ignore, forget and treat this jerk as a stranger.

i can say that i didn't show any attitude anymore. this is good enough, what else do you all want ?
there is no topic between us at all..
have you all thought for me ?
i had been with myself all alone since i move out from da ma's place,feeling no family, no one to rely on. no one at home anymore, no food. he had you guys around him, supporting him.

then u all start the praying thing, more n more into it. more gatherings, more outings...all without me. i don't even know about it.then i'm alone at home.
then i start to sound crazy, missing home while i'm at home.

i'm so tired.

so, i'm being shouted harsly at by this bastard today while i'm having dinner.
dad blocked him..if not i don't know whats going to happen.
i'm not afraid, rather i want him to hit me again so that i have reasons to not to talk to him again.

then dad smoked, i can feel that he feels sad.
then he offered to send me home..i know he just wants to separate the 2 of us.
i do need to tear immediately but i hold on. till i came back home.
dad said so much in the car...which made me feel bad and sad.
he says that he is old already..then we are still like this.
all he wants is the 2 of us to be ok..
so long already, forget it..ask me to talk to him..

but i'm more sad to hear him saying that he don't want others to know.
cause that jerk wants face. and i know my dad itself also don't want the rest to know.
hey, he did something wrong..and u all are protecting him..don't let ppl know..
so is it equals to asking me to act like nth had happened ?
so that ppl see him as a good bro, dote on his sister...we had a good family ?
bullshit.

i said nothing at all in the car..i kept quiet although i can say so many things to you that make you don't know what to say.

ask yourself if u are a good husband/dad or not first.