why is it so hard ?

i question myself.. and would like to question you all..
"can u love a person if u don't like her/him ? "

if the ans is yes..
then u will ask yourself....
" is it true? or are u just used to having her/him around, too dependent on the other party or can't bear to part because you all had been together for v.long time."

if the ans is no..
it doesn't really make sense too...
cause it can really be 2 issues..

i saw this funny, weird and interesting scenario..
a gf scold her bf F*** and point her middle finger at him..then walk away..
she went out and tell her friends...scold him angrily..like those drama kind..for a few times..
then she say a threatening sentence " go out drink until i drunk then you know!" (face still looking arrogant)
but everything was fine after that..
its as though nothing had happened. -lovey.dovey-
WHY ?

anyway, you also won't read my blog.
(somehow i don't know y too)
wouldn't someone want to know what is going on with the people around u?
i'm busy and seldom meet my friends but at least i would read their blogs etc..at least to know what is going on...send a msg to them when they are down..show some care and concern.
i don't expect them to come and tell me themselves when they are down obviously..and who would really go ard and tell ppl unhappy stuffs.
i think thats the best i can do ?

i seem to be repeating myself..but that the only thing i can do..
i fret about it but u won't, y ?
a lot of don't knows that i can't find any good answers to.
i found answers..but they are all negative ones..which u don't want me to think that way..
but no one is providing me with positive ones.

self-centered is enough for me to see. shall not say more.
prove me wrong and soon if possible.
cause i don't know i can hang how long or repress for how long.
i can say i'm good at avoiding, repressing ?
but there are things which i can't too...

actually, perhaps things are not so complicated.
am i complicating things ? i also don't know..
maybe i am ..but things make sense..

Happy National Day 2008. it was so diff today. TOTALLY no NDP feeling...
when i was young, HAHA.. i still remember what i would do and i think its so lame..
i would sing the national athem and all the songs with the tv..and when its time for FIREWORKS, i bring my firework sticks out and play together at home.. (is this a unique case to u all? i think so...cause who would be so weird la ? )
then as i grow..ndp is about fireworks..i will never miss it..
either watch it in preview or at esplanade on the actual day.
i forgot if its ndp or christmas.. i think there is a year i watched the fireworks for 3 times ?
and..i slept at esplanade for at least 2 times..
sitting by the river, rest my head on the railing and ZZZzzz...
the scene is still clear..with who and everything. (:

i detest u so much.
why are you not worried ?
why should i feel this way and you are still u.
i can only think of 2 things that you want.

u just see no problems...while i see tons of it.
u don't see OR u are lazy to do something about it ?
when are u putting me back to that 200levels?
you are in ur own world. did i not open my doors?
its opened and it seems to be for 1 entry.
but u need legs to walk in.

do u know that u do selective caring?
u care only when u are in good mood, nth is wrong..
if not...u won't think where is she..safe ? alone ?
you talk and joke when she do that to u first
what is this ?
appearing independent to others had build a image to u that i am independent ?
i thought u know me well in and out..

y do the rest understand..don't require me to elaborate much and they know
but u don't.
u know what i want...what i like
but u won't do the way..
i also don't know understand y i would do things to please u.
put u infront of me for ?
if its so hard, tell me.